Choose Your Wattage
Last night I was watching French Kiss, an undeniably sappy movie with a very piquant Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline sporting a questionable French accent. Toward the end, Meg Ryan's ex fiancé says, "It's like a light has been turned on inside you." Presumably thanks to Kevin Kline and his walrus-like facial hair.
Everyone knows The Light. It's one of the best things about being newly in love. You glow, you float to work in a gleeful post-coital haze, and your daily run is no longer the stuff of complaints because you're too busy glowing and floating. It's like someone turned the dial on your life toward bigger and brighter. (And more likely to get hit by a Corolla because you're not paying attention, but whatever.) Happiness is easy in this state - and bless it for that. But it's easy to fall into the tempting trap of thinking freshly minted love is the only way to acquire The Light. Which means you're flat out of luck when you hit a romantic dead zone or find yourself three months past new love, right about the time real life starts to sully the blissed-out honeymoon.
Here's something that took me approximately ten years of dating to figure out: What I love about being in love is really the person I become. The me with The Light. But what misguided authority said you're only allowed to have The Light when you're in love?
If someone flicks it on for you, that's all kinds of incredible. Enjoy the hell out of it. But if not, why wait? Turn on your own damn light. Independent woman (or man) and all.
Here are some ideas for personal light switch flicking:
(The metaphor gets more wrong every time I use it.)
1. Take care of the animal - exercise regularly, get enough sleep, eat well.
2. Always have a fun hobby going - nothing like a trip to the yarn store or the sporting goods store for help in Project: Conquer The Fair Isle or Project: Stop Falling Face First Down Black Diamonds. Nothing makes you glow like accomplishing some longheld dream.
3. Plan a vacation - even if you don't have any money saved yet, start researching hotels and places for the best southern fried chicken. It builds momentum until you find yourself on a plane to New Orleans without being exactly sure how you got there.
4. Treat yourself like you would want someone else to treat you - think about how you'd like Mr. Light Switcher On-er to treat you and do it for yourself. You better believe I buy myself flowers on a Tuesday evening, just because.
5. Look for love in any place you can find it - kids, dogs, your friends, the little smile-y dude who sells newspapers. Cranks the wattage right up.
What can you do to turn on your own light?
(Yup. Still wrong.)
Thursday, February 4
Reader Comments (5)
I love this. I think that there's a more expertly worded cliche that basically says that you can't love someone until you love yourself, or care for someone until you know how to care for yourself. I think that taking good care of yourself is imperative...it makes any relationship better.
You're good at this love stuff.
I really need to put my money where my mouth is on this one, but I think volunteering can be an excellent way to turn on your own light.
Your own ideas here are all great ones!
yet again another good post! (as epxected:). This is something I've worked on a lot in the last few years of singleness. And yes while another warm human being to share things with in a romantic way would be fantastic...I have enjoyed that light too inside myself. I'm amazed at how much more I love myself and then see how much more in turn others see that as well.
I love to buy flowers here and there for myself as one way to treat myself.
My light gets turned on (these days, at least) when I realize I'm doing the very best I can at any given moment. After a year and a half of a very "shouldy" relationship, it's taken me some time to realize: how I have been doing things up until this very moment is the only way I COULD have done them. [Note: this realization is especially important when beating yourself up over something you can't take back because it already happened.] Every once in a while a should comes creeping into my consciousness (e.g., I *should* drag myself to the gym after my 13-hour Tuesday), but then the part of me that loves and wants what's best for me says, "Hey, be nice, if [the gym] doesn't happen today, you're still an awesome person." And then I glow a little from that light I've turned on within myself.
I love your endeavor, for the record. Add one more name to the list of "Reading!"
Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. I can't keep commenting "I agree" cause that is just plain boring. It sounds like we're delving into some similar areas. Why do you no longer live in NYC? If you did we could meet for coffee and discuss!