Years ago, I was feeling uneasy in a relationship. After much rending of hair and tapping of VERBS AND ADJECTIVES IN CAPS LOCK into Google chat, I was advised to do something concrete. Sense isn't something I always see, but this was a time when reasonable thinking penetrated the dusty haze kicked up by the rabid squirrels in my brain. So I ceased the CAPS LOCK OF DISMAY and composed an email in two parts: Things I Like About You and Things I Love About You. I spent time on that sucker, taking care with my word choice and inserting (in)appropriate humor and being truly thoughtful about what I liked and loved about him. When I sent it, I felt an immediate lift. My circling, ravenous wolf-like thoughts halted and I felt secure in the fact that I loved him and I'd expressed that. All the other stuff just dropped away, like the pointless debris it was.

Sure, we split up a few months later, which both puts a major damper on the epic romance of my story and better illustrates my point. My point: I still remember that email as one of the best things I could have done for myself and the relationship. By stepping off the hamster wheel in my frontal lobe and concentrating on what was actually important, I improved my experience of that day - and the relationship - exponentially. His as well, I hope, but it's my own experience that I have to live with - whether a relationship holds solid for 60 years or disintegrates into ashes, minus a handy phoenix, in 6 months.

When in doubt, about love or anything else, do something concrete.

I need to get that tattooed on my forearm.